Railroad Thoughts...
Many folks have been concerned about eliminating model railroad thoughts while running trains during an op session. To help out model engineers, conductors, and brakemen, here is a list of prototypical operating thoughts for them to keep in mind.
10. Sure hope the *&^#! dispatcher clears us out of this siding before we expire on hours and have to wait 2 more for someone to come get us.
9. I hope that idiot with the tractor trailer ain't planning on running that grade crossing up ahead. Oh Gawd! He is....
8. Ain't walking 2000' each way in the rain/sleet/hail/ (insert favorite weather here) on weed covered roadbed and uneven ballast a truly delightful experience?
7. Wow Fred! How'd you mangle those fingers?
6. D'ya 'spose that raging torrent of a "creek" has undermined any bents in that old trestle up there...
5. When they gonna get the *%^$#@! cab airconditioner fixed!
4. Say... is there supposed to be smoke coming from underneath that hopper back there?
3. Is that a HEADLIGHT coming at us????
2. Darned foamers with their freaking cameras are everywhere, Almost ran one down last week.
And the #1 thought
1. If this were a model railroad we wouldn't have any of these problems
Top Ten Railroad Word Definitions
(thanks to Terry Harrison)Model Railroad definitions of prototype words.
10. Helper - The person you'd least want touching your trains and working on your layout but who is the only one who shows up regularly for work nights.
9. Helix - A cat that enjoys sitting in tunnels waiting for trains to come in so he can attack.
8. Glad hands - Those little cherubic hands that want to reach up and touch everything. Also known as why you should have built your bench work at 58".
7. Flying switch - The Shinohara that has given you trouble for so long that you finally send it sailing across the room.
6. Hack - That fellow with all the (alledged) electronics experience who completely rewires your club layout without wire diagrams, schematics, or written notatations of any sort who quits just before it's discovered it ain't a workin' (usually one week before the open house...).
5. Flimsie - The way you built the roadbed that just dropped your best friend's brand new $2000+ brass Big Boy on the floor!
4. Form 19 - The paper work a psychiatrist is required to fill out when you foolishly admit you are a model railroader.
3. Spring switch - Your first hand laid turnout with the points that simply refuse to line up with either stock rail!
2. Protecting the rear -
a) What the guy is supposed to do to the back of the van to keep all the club's modules from falling out all over the freeway at 70mph
b) What the guy actually does when the van doors open and the club's modules are distributed on Intersate 80 at 70mph.And the #1 definition
1. Retarder - See Helper above.
Getting Invited to op sessions ...
Often times model railroaders have trouble getting invited (or invited back) to an op session. Perhaps these tips can help...
10. Real railroaders run 12 hour shifts without taking a bath. Be prototypical and don't bathe before showing up.
9. You don't want to be gobbling down all the munchies provided by the host. Eat a heaping plate of beans before operating so you won't be hungry. If beans aren't available burritos are an acceptable substitute.
8. Let owner's think you can't make it to their session, then go ahead and show up anyway. Imagine their delight at having an extra operator. You can bring a friend or two along to delight them further!
7. When anything goes off the track be sure to let everyone know about the poor quality of the trackwork and rolling stock. Let the owner know how much smoother running and better sceniced other layouts you've seen are. This will give them an incentive to get things fixed!
6. Rulebooks are for sissies. If the railroad has one don't read it and show you can run trains without no stinkin' rules. Dispatchers are for sissies too, when running under CTC pass signals claiming you're color blind if anyone objects...
5. Place a quarter on the track in out-of-the-way location to test the layout's circuit breakers work. This is especially fun with DCC!
4. Carefully inspect the layout when you arrive and write a list of all the things that should be done. Later on button-hole the owner and read him the list. Suggest he should get started as soon as possible so the layout will be ready for the next session.
3. Never run a train slowly. The object of an op session is to get as many trains over the mainline as possible. Full throttle is the only way to accomplish this.
2. Insist on taking a crucial position such as yardmaster at your first op session on a new layout. Owners are impressed by your willingness to pitch-in. Be sure to collect as many cars in your yard as possible.
And the #1 way to get invited back
1. Run that brand new factory painted brass 4-8-4 into the side of another train at a turnout preferably at full throttle. "I need Ramming speed, Captain!"
Brought to you courtesy of the
Bear Creek & South Jacson Railroad's
operations department.